For my last column at ETSU before I graduate and move on to the brave new world of law school this fall, I’ve decided (partially because there were no questions this week and also because I hope to impart some of the wisdom I have garnered from my college tenure) to leave you with three nuggets of advice to help you through the remainder of your college career and possibly even beyond. I think three is a good number, a number with great significance, both religious and otherwise: Earth is the third planet in our solar system; there are three colors that compose white light, three figures in the Holy Trinity, three values of the French Revolution, three parts of the Freudian psyche. Three just seems to be the right number for imparting wisdom, and maybe even luck. With a bit of each, you will be able to look back on your college career with nothing but fond memories.
Nugget of advice #1: Never make excuses.
If your homework is late, just own up to it. Tell your professor that you made a mistake and then remedy the situation immediately. And then never do it again.
If your printer wouldn’t work, you could’ve printed your paper in the Culp Center. If you make a horrible grade on a test and you didn’t study, it’s not the professor’s fault. Making excuses sets you up for a lifetime of passing the blame for things you could’ve changed onto others. Ultimately, the only person responsible for your actions is you.
At the end of your four (or more) years, you will then be able to be proud of what you’ve done and you won’t have to make excuses for less-than-stellar accomplishments to grad schools, employers or even yourself. Your life will be yours and you’ll know you did your best.
There are only a few cases when this advice does not apply. Notable exceptions include missing a test because you got a traffic ticket on the way to school or suffering serious bodily injury that requires hospitalization.
Nugget of advice #2: If you’re a woman, don’t pay on the first date.
I know this sounds a bit sexist and supportive of the ages old tradition of men taking charge of relationships, but it is really coming from a completely different place. What with the success of the feminist movement in promoting the idea of equality in relationships, love has turned into a battlefield of entirely different proportions.
No matter how much you want to assert your power as a woman to your prospective boyfriend, don’t pay for the entire dinner. Trust me on this one. Just pay for your part. If you pay for the entire bill, you will find that you assume the traditional role of the male in the relationship and your boyfriend will expect you to pay for every dinner from that day forward. Remember, women: what we want is equality, not to switch traditional roles. E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y.
Nugget of advice #3: Keep your focus on your goals, but never forget that life happens in the here and now.
We spend one quarter of our lives (possibly the best quarter) figuring out and stressing over what we’re going to do with the last three quarters. It is important to have some idea of how you want to spend the rest of your life, but you shouldn’t let it consume you.
Sure, you don’t want to wake up one day in thirty years and realize you never got to do the things you wanted to do because of inadequate preparation, but you also don’t want to wake up on that morning and realize that your only memories of your teens and early twenties are of long nights spent studying alone.
Have friends, have fun.
Make good memories whenever you can.
Write your paper then go to dinner with a group of your closest friends. Travel whenever you have the opportunity.
Do what you need to do to make sure you’re going to have a good future, then go out and have a good present. That’s the best advice I can give you.
Goodbye, ETSU. Thanks for all the e-mails; you’ve always kept it interesting. I wish you all the best.

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