(U-WIRE) HONOLULU -Should we avoid attractive people if we’re in a relationship? I don’t think so. Intimacy shouldn’t deprive you of hot friends.
For instance, there is a girl who works in a smoothie shop I frequent. The first time I saw her, I was instantly captivated. I thought, “Wow, that’s a beautiful girl!”
Normally, I might introduce myself and tell her she’s gorgeous, but then she’ll think I’m trying to date her. So, instead, I just collect my drink and walk away with a smile.
Typically, my interest wanes quickly, so I don’t make too much out of it. But that didn’t happen in this case. Something about my smoothie girl moves me.
Maybe it’s the way she works so hard, gets tired and disheveled from the heat, and still she manages to remain sexy. Perhaps it’s because she doesn’t say much, and I want to know what she’s thinking as she slaves away.
What does she value? What does she like and dislike? What does she do when she’s not filling orders and flashing her beautiful smile?
I can ask a girl out, but I have no idea how to ask a random person to be my friend, especially on the basis of appearance.
If I do, she’ll immediately question my motive. She may wonder why, of all the people that work at her stand, she’s the one in which I’m so interested?
Why can’t we be more honest about what we think? In our society, we seem bound by cultural expectations, including cookie-cutter definitions of friendship and romance. We’re also expected to hide things about ourselves that could be misunderstood or lead to complications.
Honesty, however, doesn’t always get you where you want to be. Would my little crush take it kindly if I said, “Hi, I think you’re beautiful and I would like for you to spend time with me and my girlfriend?”
I know what I’d be thinking if someone said that to me.
Coincidentally, my girlfriend often tells me that she gets hounded by guys who think she’s fine.
When she mentions me, they say, “You can bring him along. We just really want to get to know you.”
Some friends are vocal about their attraction to my girlfriend and me. Rather than being an annoyance, however, it is a matter of pride.
If those guys can add something to my life and are people I might normally want to hang out with anyway (and if they don’t get too close for comfort) then no, it wouldn’t bother me at all.
Both guys and girls have hormones affecting our behavior. Why not be honest about their effects upon our friend selection?
Are my hormones talking? Sure, but so is my brain. I’m capable of listening to both.
As for the sweet young thing that caught my eye, I’ll have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime, though, she makes one hell of a smoothie.

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